When No One's Looking - Blog 4: Bystander Behavior

Wouldn't That Save You?

So, help me decide

help me to make up, make up my mind.

Wouldn't that save you? 

- Matthew Perryman Jones, Save You

Oftentimes, we get so caught up in indecision that we don't act until it's too late. Other times, we make the conscious decision not to act at all. This is a shame, especially in cases when our actions could have significantly helped others. Dr. Alan Berkowitz has conducted extensive research on this tendency toward inaction. He calls it bystander behavior. This takes place when we recognize a problem that we have the power to solve, yet for whatever reason, we choose not to exercise that power. We justify this behavior by assuring ourselves that the problem isn't ours to handle, or even worse, that the problem does not exist. Each of us, myself included, has been guilty of bystander behavior at some point.

The Girl With the Broken Smile

Look for the girl with the broken smile,

ask her if she wants to stay awhile,

and she will be loved.

 - Maroon 5, She Will Be Loved

In high school, I had the joy of knowing one of the nicest girls you could ever meet. Unfortunately, her boyfriend wasn't so nice. I wouldn't call their relationship abusive, just unhealthy. Bystanders, like myself, saw that she deserved so much better. In fact, we wanted better for her. But she didn't want better for herself. I can't say that I personally confronted her about the relationship, but I discussed it with others multiple times, and I know they did. Looking back on it now, I wish I had spoken up. Sure, some of my classmates told her to break up with him, to get out from under those negative influences. Obviously, whatever they said wasn't enough, because she's still with him today. I can't help but think that I could have said the right thing, the thing that finally convinced her to let go. If I had, how much pain could I have saved the girl who never deserved to get hurt? 

Oh, Darlin' Don't You Ever Grow Up

Oh darling don't you ever grow up,

don't you ever grow up,

just stay this little. 

- Taylor Swift, Never Grow Up

Victims of Sandy Hook

I believe that the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School is one of the greatest tragedies of my generation. Twenty seven people lost their lives. Twenty one of them were children who will never grow up. If someone had stepped in, or even shown kindness to the shooter, Adam Lanza, those children could still be alive today. Events like that massacre are the exact reason we should work to end bystander behavior. 

I Almost Do

And every time I don't,

I almost do.

- Taylor Swift, I Almost Do

Contextually, I know I'm reaching with this lyric, so just forget the context. Focus on the words. Focus on almost. To modify a cliché, almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. "Almost" helping someone never helped anyone. I think college students often forget that. In college, it's so easy to get caught up in "me," that we can quickly forget about others. When we do make an effort to help, it's not always our best effort. College students need to stop focusing on themselves, or worrying about what society may think, and start standing up to help. We have so much more power than we realize. We have to stop standing by, and starting using the power we've been given.

What Really Matters - Blog 3: Priorities

Where You Invest Your Love

Where you invest your love,

you invest your life. 

- Mumford and Sons, Awake My Soul

Time is love.

- Josh Turner, Time is Love

You know I have a point to make when the lyrics of two separate songs are required. Here it is: Time is valuable because it's limited; God only gives us so much. Because we understand this, we choose to devote our time to the things which are most important to us, the things we love. And as we go on living, the things we love become our lives. We have to be sure that we're devoting our time to the right things if we really want to use our measured lives to make an immeasurable impact. That's why we have to prioritize. Unfortunately, too many people find themselves at the end of their time with the realization that their priorities weren't what they should have been. In Developing the Leader Within You, John C. Maxwell wrote of a study which found that those on their deathbeds have a common regret of not having done more that would live on after them. I can only hope that when I reach that point, I can't say the same. 

Past Investments and Future Returns

I don't know much about monetary investments, so I won't try to make that parallel here, but I believe the purpose of investing money is the hope of its returns. I believe the same is true in life. Time, like money, is valuable, so we put our time into the things we think will offer us the most returns. For me, this has always been Christ, my family and friends, academics, and extracurriculars. Now that I've started college, these things haven't stopped being priorities, but I have had to learn new ways to handle them. 

Christ

I've spoken in past posts about finding Christ and my church family. I've always considered my relationship with God high importance, but there have been times when it wasn't high urgency. In high school, and even now, this is an ongoing struggle. As Maxwell says, priorities aren't static, but dynamic. The Lord is a priority, but if I'm honest, it takes work to keep Him at the top. In college, everything is battling for you attention, but more than anything, God deserves to be fought for. This year, keeping Christ first is my main goal. 

Friends and Family

I'm a people oriented person and proud of it. Keeping those around me happy will always be one of my top priorities. I've been blessed with family and friends that make this easy. However, prioritizing them hasn't been as easy lately as it once was. I now live hours away from those I'm closest to, and we operate on different schedules, which makes communication hard. But, I will strive to stay in touch with my loved ones. If I do this, I will have accomplished my second goal for the year.

Academics and Extracurriculars

Of my four main priorities, these two have changed the most since moving out and starting college. In high school, academics required very little of me, so my time was devoted to extracurricular activities. Now, to be academically successful, I have to meet higher demands. Because of this, I have had significantly less time to devote to extracurriculars than I once did. I intend to strike a balance between these two. In fact, I have made it my third goal. I want to finish this year with a 4.0 GPA, while being actively involved in no fewer than three student organizations or events. This won't be an easy accomplishment, but I have a plan.

Action Plans

Achieving long term goals requires planning. 4.0 GPAs aren't earned overnight, nor is a reputation for involvement on campus. In order to meet my third goal, I'll have to follow a modified action plan. Actually, the two facets of this goal, academic excellence and campus involvement, exist on two separate action plans, despite their being closely related.

Academic Action Plan

1. Keep a good planner, staying aware of assignment deadlines.
2. Take extensive notes in class, and devote the time necessary to do class readings.
3. Ask questions whenever I have them, utilizing email and office hours. 
4. Manage study time well; don't procrastinate.
5. Review well before quizzes and exams, using practice tests and flash cards.

By following this plan, I know I can achieve the perfect GPA I'm hoping for. 

Involvement Action Plan

1. Record due dates of Executive Staff applications. Allow adequate time for completing applications, and submit them well before they are due.
2. Interview sincerely and successfully, proving to executive boards that you desire to be a member of their organization, along with being a prime candidate for the team. 
3. Attend meetings, both for organizations you were accepted to, and those with open signups. 
4. Participate frequently in events hosted by your organization, devoting your time and efforts to each respective cause. 

Through this plan, I will be more than involved on campus, I will be an ACTIVE PARTICIPANT. This, coupled with my academic action plan, will allow me to fully accomplish my third goal. 

Nothing would make me happier than to finish this school year having met my three largest goals. That would serve as affirmation that I can be successful on my own, and I belong here. To do this, I know that I'll have to rely on Christ, while diligently following my action plans. I have faith that it's possible, and when that faith waivers, I have a support group that will hold me up. At this point, I'm only eager to see how it all plays out. 

When the Who and the What Become the Why - Blog 2: Influences

Who I Am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter

the spitting image of my father

and when the day is done my momma's still my biggest fan

sometimes, I'm clueless and I'm clumsy

but I've got friends that love me

and they know just where I stand

it's all a part of me

it's who I am.
- Jessica Andrews, Who I Am

I consider this one of the songs I was raised on. As a kid, I liked the song because of Jessica Andrews' beautiful voice, and I adored the idea of a Grandma Rosemary.  Now, I have a new appreciation for the lyrics. Andrews defines herself in relation to other people and their shared experiences. As I've grown up, I've found I relate to this, because I define myself in the same way. I can pinpoint the specific people and experiences, influences, that have made me who I am. 

Those I Love - The People Who Made Me Who I Am 

I wouldn't be the man I am today

if not for those I've loved along the way. 

- Eric Church, Those I've Loved 

John C. Maxwell writes that everyone influences someone. We don't always get to see the results of our own influence, but we are lucky enough to know who has influenced us. Countless people have left their mark on my life. Some have larger story arcs than others. The ones mentioned here are those who I feel affected me most.

Dee

Dee is my mother, the strongest person I know. She's had a hard life, but she's tough. She's always pushed me to be better, especially when I was done pushing myself. She inspires me to persevere regardless, because she's proof that anything is survivable.

Jimmy

Jimmy is my dad, who serves as a reminder that we're only human. Over the years, we haven't always had the best relationship, but I've never doubted my father's love. To me, Jimmy resembles hope and the idea that if you work hard enough for something, it will all come together in the end.

Maddie, Ella, and Pete

    

Maddie, Ella, and Pete are my siblings. I can't imagine growing up without them. They forced me to grow a thicker skin, but I know that everything they've done has been in love. Maddie, although younger than me, is someone I truly look up to. She has her own brand of confidence and grace that I admire tremendously, and want to have for myself someday. Ella is several years older than me, and has a family of her own. In fact, she's married to Pete. Pete and Ella have been together since I was six years old, so I feel like following "brother" with "in-law" isn't necessary. They're fantastic parents, and I hope to one day be half the mother Ella is. Pete has influenced me in ways I'm only beginning to realize. He's played the roles of big brother, teacher, and spiritual leader. My siblings are one of the most fantastic blessings in my life.

Luke and Trish

Luke and Trish are my closest friends, the people, outside of my family, with whom I have the most authentic relationship. They've taught me what it means to give love to those who show love differently. I value their advice highly, and I trust them to be honest, yet warm towards me, whatever the occasion.

John

John was in my life only a short time, but in that period, he taught one of the most important lessons: you can't always get what you want. Sometimes things don't go the way we have planned, and more often than not, it's for the best. It took me a long time to realize this, and even longer to be thankful for it.

Coach

"Coach" was my speech and debate coach during my senior year of high school.  There were over forty competitors on our team, yet I felt that he made a true investment in me. Coach helped me to see the importance of practice, and instilled in me a drive for perfection that applies to all aspects of my life, not just speech and debate.

**DISCLAIMER ABOUT THOSE I LOVE**

To protect the privacy of my loved ones, they have all been referred to by aliases. The accompanying photos are who would play them in my biopic.

Every Stumbled Step that Got Me Here - The Experiences that Shaped Me

I'd relive all the years

and be thankful for the tears

I've cried with every stumbled step that led to you

and got me here. 

- Rascal Flatts, Here

As it turns out, there are actually several Rascal Flatts lyrics that would fit into this context, but there's a certain level of drama to the following stories, so I thought this one would be most appropriate. In fact, the "you" in question here is me. These experiences have led me to become the person I am today.

A Place to Call Home

When I was in the sixth grade, my parents divorced. However, this isn't to be viewed as a negative experience. Sure, it was sad, and hard, but in many ways, my life was better for it. As a result of the split, when I was in the seventh grade, my mother, sister, and I joined a church. This is easily the best thing to happen in my life thus far. In a small Free Will Baptist church in the mountains of my hometown, I discovered what it truly means to live for Christ. I watched people do it daily. The church became my home, the place I went to visit my family, my Heavenly Father especially. My time spent there prepared me to go out into the world with love, joy, and a message of salvation.

Will and Choices

This is Will (not really, but we're pretending). I chose to save Will for the experiences passage because his influence on me is tied to a specific instance. In the interest of my personal privacy, I won't go into much detail about Will, only to say that his actions left me to make one of the hardest decisions of my life. I felt betrayed by my best friend, and I'm embarrassed to say that for awhile, I wasn't very kind about it. But, I eventually decided that my friendship was more important to me than my pride or bitterness. Will taught me how to love through the pain. Even when he's no longer a part of my life, his lesson is one I will carry. 

Winning's Not the Last Step on the Path, But the First

In April of my junior year of high school, I won Lincoln-Douglas debate at the state speech and debate tournament. Up until that point, I didn't realize the power my voice could have. That year, we were arguing the justification of intervening in other countries to stop human rights abuses. It awoke a passion within me. I knew that I wanted to spend my life helping others, I just wasn't aware that I could do it on a larger scale. My success with debate has encouraged me to become a lawyer, a district attorney, in fact. I want to spend my time fighting for those who don't have the means or opportunity to fight for themselves.

Looking for Myself Out Here - Looking Back on These Influences

Was it everything you wanted to find

and did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

- Train, Drops of Jupiter

It's easy to see that all of these influences have come from my past. I've since moved away from my hometown and the loved ones I've mentioned. I'm out here finding myself, but I miss them dearly. I have to believe that they'll continue to play a role in my life well into the future. Sure, since graduation, my relationships with most, if not all of them, have changed. I no longer see my family daily. Luke, Trish, and I can't take our friendship for granted when we live several hours apart. Lucky, I have not lost any of my influences completely. In fact, some of the most surprising relationships have strengthened with distance. I'm also looking forward to gaining new influences here at college. This process of growing up, growing together, and growing apart is just another step towards loving the skies I'm under. 

No Less Than Jess - Blog 1: Creation

What's in a name?

The name of this blog, Learning to Love the Skies I'm Under, is inspired by the song Hopeless Wanderer (http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/mumfordsons/hopelesswanderer.html) by the British folk band Mumford and Sons. While I don't consider myself a wanderer, I do adore this idea of loving the skies you're under. To me, this is essentially the idea of being happy with where you are in life, wherever that may be. We don't always have the power to control our situations, but we do determine how we respond to them. I'm choosing to be happy. This is me, learning to love the skies I'm under.

Mumford and Sons

Now on to My Name

I'm Jessie Elizabeth Hearn. I'm eighteen years old. I think my life is best summed up by the Tom Petty lyric "She's a good girl, loves her momma. Loves Jesus, and America too." (You'll find I relate most things back to music.) I have what I consider "classic values." I love my family, Jesus Christ, and this beautiful country. 

My life thus far can be measured in three stages, all of them involving "speech" in some way. As a child, I had a severe speech impediment, resulting in intensive therapy twice each week until fifth grade. Between grades six and eight, I was learning to find my voice. In high school, my voice found me: speech and debate. The competitive speech program at my high school served as my outlet for self expression, and is responsible for my self confidence today. In a broad sense, speech has been with me in every step of my journey. I began by learning how to say things, matured into deciding what I wanted to say, and finally discovered how best to make others want to listen. I went from describing my first day of pre-K as "playing wit de bees and gils" (boys and girls) to a valedictory speech, "I'll miss these boys and girls." Along the way, speech has played a tremendous role in my life. Expect this theme to reappear. 

But do others know my name?

Leadership is so much more than the number of people that know your name. To me, leadership is dependent upon relationships. Those you lead should genuinely want to follow you. In fact, as John Maxwell writes in Developing the Leader Within You, having healthy relationships with those you lead is one of the highest attainable levels of leadership. In my opinion, I have yet to reach this level. But that's okay, I'm only eighteen, and I have years to go. Right now, I consider myself what Maxwell calls a "position leader." I've just gotten started in a new environment. As I've yet to establish myself, others only follow me when they have to. Yet, I'm determined to change that. As I get to know new friends here at OU, join organizations, and start to forge my path, I'll climb the leadership ladder. I truly care about the people around me, and the relationships I form with them will help me attain my leadership goals. I'm not there yet, but I'm growing. 

But how will you get your name out?

Simple, by using my strengths. I recently took a U-Zoo personality assessment, which told me I was a "koala." Basically, this means I'm a caring, careful, people oriented person.

Self Portrait

 I agree with this, as you can probably see from the post thus far. I'm excited to see where this assessment takes me. It came as an affirmation that concern for others is a strength, not a weakness. I plan to use my personality to my advantage, without taking advantage. I hope it takes me far. Leadership, here I come.