When No One's Looking - Blog 4: Bystander Behavior

Wouldn't That Save You?

So, help me decide

help me to make up, make up my mind.

Wouldn't that save you? 

- Matthew Perryman Jones, Save You

Oftentimes, we get so caught up in indecision that we don't act until it's too late. Other times, we make the conscious decision not to act at all. This is a shame, especially in cases when our actions could have significantly helped others. Dr. Alan Berkowitz has conducted extensive research on this tendency toward inaction. He calls it bystander behavior. This takes place when we recognize a problem that we have the power to solve, yet for whatever reason, we choose not to exercise that power. We justify this behavior by assuring ourselves that the problem isn't ours to handle, or even worse, that the problem does not exist. Each of us, myself included, has been guilty of bystander behavior at some point.

The Girl With the Broken Smile

Look for the girl with the broken smile,

ask her if she wants to stay awhile,

and she will be loved.

 - Maroon 5, She Will Be Loved

In high school, I had the joy of knowing one of the nicest girls you could ever meet. Unfortunately, her boyfriend wasn't so nice. I wouldn't call their relationship abusive, just unhealthy. Bystanders, like myself, saw that she deserved so much better. In fact, we wanted better for her. But she didn't want better for herself. I can't say that I personally confronted her about the relationship, but I discussed it with others multiple times, and I know they did. Looking back on it now, I wish I had spoken up. Sure, some of my classmates told her to break up with him, to get out from under those negative influences. Obviously, whatever they said wasn't enough, because she's still with him today. I can't help but think that I could have said the right thing, the thing that finally convinced her to let go. If I had, how much pain could I have saved the girl who never deserved to get hurt? 

Oh, Darlin' Don't You Ever Grow Up

Oh darling don't you ever grow up,

don't you ever grow up,

just stay this little. 

- Taylor Swift, Never Grow Up

Victims of Sandy Hook

I believe that the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School is one of the greatest tragedies of my generation. Twenty seven people lost their lives. Twenty one of them were children who will never grow up. If someone had stepped in, or even shown kindness to the shooter, Adam Lanza, those children could still be alive today. Events like that massacre are the exact reason we should work to end bystander behavior. 

I Almost Do

And every time I don't,

I almost do.

- Taylor Swift, I Almost Do

Contextually, I know I'm reaching with this lyric, so just forget the context. Focus on the words. Focus on almost. To modify a cliché, almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. "Almost" helping someone never helped anyone. I think college students often forget that. In college, it's so easy to get caught up in "me," that we can quickly forget about others. When we do make an effort to help, it's not always our best effort. College students need to stop focusing on themselves, or worrying about what society may think, and start standing up to help. We have so much more power than we realize. We have to stop standing by, and starting using the power we've been given.